Hard today

It's a holiday and I'm at loose ends. I can do anything I want to do -- I've given myself permission to do what I want. But I don't want to do anything. I want to go to bed, but can't do that all day. Don't seem to have the patience to read or watch TV, can't muster the energy to go to the movies.

It's a luxury I don't always have -- time to do what I want to do and the means to do it. I wish I could appreciate it more.

Tonight, I just want everything

It's a refrain I hear myself repeating: I wish he/she understood.

Most often I blame any failure to connect on some inability I have to articulate what I mean, or on my needs being too out of whack.

Tonight, I am lonely and sad. I want something I can't have, and I get that. But I still want it and still grieve its loss. What is it? Nothing less than happiness.

Out of whack. But I still wish someone could get it.