I always kind of laugh nervously when I find out someone thinks I'm scary.
I mean when I'm not acting scary. Like when I'm just being who I am. Or when I'm not conscientiously trying to be someone who I'm not. Something like that.
Not when I'm shrieking.
I asked a trusted friend about this yesterday -- am I bizarre? I get these looks from people sometimes, as if I'm over the top. Oh, I know what it reminds me of ... that song, "Something To Talk About" by Bonnie Raitt.
The part where it says "Laugh just a little too loud, stand just a little too close." I feel like maybe I'm doing that now and again. I wonder if people want to, oh, back off a little.
My friend said absolutely not. I'm not bizarre. I talk normally. I am smart, quick, have a great vocabulary and love to use it. I love to talk and love the repartee. Oh yeah, and I'm powerful. I know what he means by that, but am uncomfortable about it. I am just powerful. In person, in email, on the phone. In my blog? You'll have to tell me. I know about this, and I can use it to my advantage in business. I can run right over people who get in my way.
I try not to do this in my personal life. You would see me roll over and hide my eyes at a PTA meeting, for example, if someone criticized me -- I wouldn't be fighting back. (Unless it was about one of my kids -- I stand up VERY WELL for anyone else in the world, especially those who can't ...)
I don't want to be scary. Bizarre. Would I trade powerful for powerlessness if it took away these effects, too? Probably not.
What my friend told me -- which is absolutely true -- is that I need to find more people like him, people who like me as I am, scariness, intelligence, powerfulness, silliness, sadness and all.
Boy is he right.
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2 comments:
thank you for your comment the other day. i was in dbt for almost a full year... and no one has every explained a dialect like you did. and though i am turned off to dbt now, i really did appreciate your comment... i had what you would call a falling out with my therpist.
today, i'm doing ok, realizing that the death of this girl may have saved my life, at least for a little while, which is sad that it took someone else to die for me to realize what i have... though i am still uncertian as to what i have, i know i have something.
i am realizing that today was too busy, and i am ready to crash, but i have to work a few more hours and have a paper to write while i am at work... if you want... here is my AIM amberlynneicious
I get the "look" all the time too.
It's even worse when they already know you a little, and they actually come out and say it: "My friends told me to stay away from you because you are crazy." or "I think something is very wrong with you.
I think one of the reasons for the "look" is because they can tell I feel uncomfortable, don't know how to act around them and what to say to them. Not because I'm shy, but because I've grown to expect a negative reaction...
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