Sometimes I forget that I don't care about some things. That I can survive without being passionate about a simple issue at work. That I don't have to go to the wall with a co-worker over wording of something.
Sometimes I forget to let go of my ego.
It always gets me in trouble.
I am struggling now to find my place, my purpose, what I can contribute. If I can contribute. I wonder if I'll be fired. I can't be fired -- I need my job, my health insurance, the work. I need to be here and it doesn't matter if I'm a big wig or a little one. Right? Who cares, beyond me?
It's not like this is my career, it's just a job.
Oh, wait. This is my career. I always thought this was where I'd be climbing the rungs of the ladder about now in my life. I've steadily climbed higher in salary and title. I've worked hard and had my work praised. And then I got here, to this plateau, and I don't seem to be able to perform to the level one person (who happens to be important) sees as my obligation. I thought I could work harder -- I could work harder, OK? -- but I also think the quality of my work is such that it is still head and shoulders above the pack.
He came in my office today and asked if I need help with a project or two. Sure, I say, my ego floating away on a cloud of dust. Sure, take the heart of my job away and give it to someone else. Let that person do it, let them gossip about me, let him move me out of my office into a cube, let him cut my salary.
Or maybe I can float through this by letting go of my ego. Sure, I need help. Sure, I'd love it if you'd take that off my plate. Sure, I need more time to surf around the Web, can you please get someone to do my job for me?
Sure, I'm useless. Get me some help.
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